Confusing Correlation with Causation

I am tired of the articles shaming kids for being all into their cell phones and gaming, and shaming their parents for not controlling them better.  They log the time spent on phones in school, and then point to it as a cause instead of a symptom.  Maybe kids are on their phones and in games because we've increasingly tightened our collective grip on all their decision making and sociability.  We've taken all their free time.  We force them to do what we say... all damn day and night.  Children are to be controlled.  Newsflash: that's abuse.  How do victims of emotional abuse react to their abusers? 

"While staying in an abusive relationship the victim uses coping strategies.  These coping strategies tend to be self-protective in nature; they include denial, minimization, addictions, arguing, defensiveness, rationalization, compliance, detachment, and dissociation."

"The relationship will end up being a system, where the abuser does whatever the hell he or she wants and the victims become programmed to cope with it in some way.  Victims may comply, “numb out,” take anti-depressants, live in a detached state of being, pretend that everything’s fine, etc. "

Sounds like school-aged kids to me.  Stop focusing on the device and look at the ONE COMMONALITY all these kids have.  School.  Same goes for school shootings.  It's not the presence of guns.  We've had the 2nd amendment since the constitution was written so I highly doubt it's suddenly becoming a problem because of a legal issue.  We've had schooling for a long time... what has changed?  What has actually changed?  I think it's our values and schedules.  It's our lack of mental health awareness and self-care.  It's our institutions that promote depression and abuse and prime us to expect misery.

I can read through this list and spot many times I felt like school was guilty of being emotionally abusive towards myself (when I was younger) and towards my kids.  Then of course there's this little chestnut:

"19. Treats you like a child and tries to control you.

Your abuser doesn't see you as an equal partner. He or she views you as a child who needs to be managed and controlled.

You aren't as smart, wise, or competent as your abuser, so he or she thinks it is necessary to manage all of the decisions and rules in the household."

My question is this: at what point are our children NOT to be managed or controlled?  Why is control and management of young people the expected practice, rather than guidance and connection?  When do we stop being our parent's problem and have personal responsibility for ourselves?  Are we as a society allowing kids to slowly come to this adult stage, letting them learn the lessons they need to become adults?  What tools/strategies should kids learn to become successful adults?  Is their schooling a part of this process?

I just ask you all to check in with your child and make sure school is a place they want to be.  If they are not feeling respected or engaged, valuable, or feel what they're doing is going to benefit them later on... please consider other options.  There are many schools out there not guilty of this at all!  Many wonderful teachers and amazing places who value children and foster real learning (and some of them are indeed public schools).  I'm not against all schooling.  I'm against schooling as a means to control and indoctrinate children.  I'm against detachment from the process itself.  School is not the only option and no one should feel trapped by lack of choices, whether parent or child.  Misery should not be "just the way it is".  If schooling is helping guide a child into adulthood by giving them opportunities to learn valuable skills like negotiating social situations, dealing with emotions, critical thinking, self-reliance... I'm all for a school that cares about whole child development.  Check in and make sure your child is being helped by school, not harmed.