Entering Summer - The End of an Era

No one has been more excited about the prospect of self-directed learning than our 8yr old.  He wants to start NOW NOW NOW and I tell him "go ahead!! anything you want, you've already been doing this your whole life!".  After his normal school day he rushed home and read about fossils, designed a deck for the clubhouse (really ecstatic to use graph paper for the first time), and baked 2 loaves of french bread from scratch.  So... him I'm not worried about justifying the learning experience.  He's hopefully going to have time to write his series of young adult novels he's been reciting to me for years.  He's going to want to take art classes with Grandma, which I absolutely approve of wholeheartedly.  A week with the grandparents completely immersed in art and nature.  OMG he'll be in heaven.

Our 9yr old, is a worrier and gets terrible anxiety about doing well in school.  He hated standardized testing and follows the rules above all else, so if he ever suffers group punishment (a daily occurrence in elementary school lunch rooms) it is devastating to him.  He feels he has been betrayed by the adults and doesn't understand why he must be punished if he wasn't the one guilty of an infraction.  He tries so hard to be good, and still gets punished.  He gets very angry about the fairness of the rules and doesn't understand why they aren't allowed to talk to each other, even during lunch.  They run the school like a prison, according to him.  He gets incredibly upset when a friend is punished, especially when they aren't allowed to give their side of the story.  He is part of student council, but hates it because they don't actually do anything.  He doesn't approve of the belief that children are not allowed to defend themselves or their motivations to adults.  He has earned his freedom through continuous displays of responsible behaviors, and yet it was not being granted.  His self-esteem cannot take this beating!!  It's precarious enough!

He might have a hard time with self-governance and enjoying his autonomy at first.  Since he respects the rules and believes in self-discipline, my plan is to task him with designing his own code of ethics and daily schedule.  He's so ingrained in that mindset, I just want to hand him back the reins.  My other challenge will be to present him with enough teammates because he's highly motivated by group tasks.  He loves to be a contributing member, to use his emotional intelligence, and to feel needed by others.  He especially loves being mature and hangs back with the adults to converse and be included.  I have to find ways to involve him in activities with others who will respect his contributions.  Most likely, he'll do a lot of supporting his brothers as they delve into their interests and learn alongside them, maybe even be their motivator.  He's our ultimate observer.  He sees and hears all, and tells us where to look!  He is constantly taking in and analyzing information and he's very good at it.  He is also fearless when others are there to witness it.  He's so interesting.

Our oldest... he's been in public school from kindergarten through 7th grade and is turning 13 soon.  I have no idea what he will do.  I suspect he will want to spend most of his time finally being free to explore what he's interested in, which is on an Xbox or the internet.  My task will be to let go of the need to regulate out of fear of what others think.  Youtube videos of kids playing games while watching youtube videos.  I don't get it.  That's what he likes.  He likes gaming and I doubt he will ever grow out of that.  I have to really think critically about the ACTUAL ramifications of this instead of the societal belief about it... and then find what I believe to be a healthy balance, and ask him what he thinks about it.  Better yet, I can ask him to do it instead.  "Noah, I was thinking of regulating your screen time, but I am not sure what the right answer is... what do you think?".  I don't think any of us knows how much time we spend on our devices anyway.  Perhaps another place to start is by logging all of our screen time so we know what's really happening.

Regardless, It's important to us that he start noticing how he feels physically and mentally, really paying attention to how his actions influence those things as he enters into puberty.  Perhaps he can use his need for screen time as an experiment in self-control and self-regulation... emphasis on the self part.  I'm so glad we have our family Constitution!  That's a good place to start.  He is an engineer and a problem solver.  His super-fast brain loves the complexity and speed of gaming, and the strategy and interaction with others.  He says the only thing he's going to miss is Lego Robotics.  He is only interested in doing things that pose a challenge to him physically or mentally (just like his parents!).

The great thing about this process is that none of us has to have the right answers.  The questions haven't even presented themselves yet, but when they do I think we'll be ready.  The whole point is that we're finding them together through critical thought and experiences.