I'm sharing with you all the first draft of our family Constitution that will be amended and ratified over the course of our lives together I'm sure :) This provides us with a clear reference point when making decisions for our family so we keep living intentionally with clear goals in mind. This allows us to make decisions that fit our goals instead of being on "autopilot" based on cultural norms. Having clearly defined parenting goals allows us to critically evaluate our actions and motivations, and to change if needed.
What are our goals for our children? What values do we wish to instill in them before they venture out into the world? What is a “successful person” to us? 1. HAPPY - “feeling pleasure and contentment” is the definition of happiness. What tools can we give our kids that will help them find and keep their happiness? Start with the strengths test from authentichappiness. This will give us a personal platform to begin from with each child. This goal encompasses all other goals. a. Gratitude - be able to show gratitude for their present situation and focus on reasons to be thankful rather than critical, without condemning their ability to judge something critically or be unhappy with a situation. Help them work through the discomfort of unhappiness as a normal process that isn’t wrong, and highlight the practice of finding gratitude as a way to cope with anxiety.
b. Personal Responsibility - be able to take responsibility for your own actions, understanding that every action has a reaction. There is always a consequence, and it’s not always bad! Point out all the reactions and consequences, not just the “bad” ones so they can see the balance that is struck at all times. Point out the inherent control over only ourselves, and not every part of ourselves, and find peace with the lack of control on every other front. We are part of nature and nature is always seeking a balance… what part are you playing right now? How can you change it? c. Self Regulation - Start off with guidelines and controls and taper them off to complete independence. Have them personally log things like screen time, sleep, diet, exercise, hydration… so they can really see where their time is being spent and get a clearer picture of their day-to-day lives. Time management is a part of this! How long does it take me to do ___? How much time do I spend on my tablet? d. Self Awareness - The five senses: Body, Feeling, Perception, Intention and Consciousness. Use meditation and midfulness to bring their awareness to their physical body and how it feels, their own emotions, their inner thoughts, their motivations, and their manifestations/actions. Bring back the alone time. We want them to be thoughtful and deliberate people who see themselves and others clearly. e. Self Confidence - Conquering fear starts with learning your own strengths. Start with the strengths test and use their biggest assets to help them improve and grow. Take a look at what they believe their biggest weaknesses are and see if they feel anxious or accepting of them. Allow them to try and try again. Keep practicing the art of failing, analyzing, re-designing, and re-trying. No matter the task… NO MATTER THE TASK! This very much includes mental health and stability practices. Encourage tiny victories. Cheer each other on. f. Self Care - Help them establish care plans that work for them. They can look stuff up online, take more quizzes, have conversations, go to therapy, whatever they come up with to discover what methods and tools work best for them. g. Sense of Purpose - It’s important for us to show them, in this world that highlights ultra-achievers, that just being yourself is an amazing accomplishment. Highlight the very smallest to the very biggest of things. Have them understand that all things are equally important, and no one job is more significant than another because all of it is interconnected. Interconnectedness and comfort with self leads to a sense of purpose. h. Connection to World - Interconnectedness, highlighting their own existence as an important and integral part of the gigantic universe. Establish this connection by teaching empathy, kindness and compassion. We are all important. 2. HEALTHY - Much of this can be accomplished through reaching our first set of goals, which is the mental side of healthcare that often gets lost in the civilian world. The other side, the physical side, is taught through study of how the internal systems function and how exercise and good eating habits affect those systems. a. Health - Understanding how the body functions and why healthy choices are important. Spend equal time on both physical and mental health! Look at the physical changes of poor mental health as well to show the connection. b. Diet - Building blocks of our entire bodies are molecules we get from what we eat and drink. Digestion and integration, food web, lifecycles. c. Activity - Look at building muscles, endurance, creating healthy habits. Look at the extreme ends of the spectrum and discuss where each one feels they fit in. Adventurous? d. Time in Nature - Resetting your senses is always a great idea. Both physical and mental health responses to time in nature. Importance of green spaces to health and welfare of biological organisms. Connect with ecology and instill love of nature and stewardship. 3. EMPOWERED & CAPABLE - facing fears willingly, being outside of your comfort zone in order to learn and grow. Believing in yourself and your abilities to accomplish something, or if not, to learn from failure. Resiliency! a. Personal Growth - Mastering the goals we laid out for happiness and understanding it is a lifetime practice and will always be changing. Be excited about that! b. Conquering Fear - Knowing what it feels like to be afraid and no longer allowing it to control what we want to accomplish. Be open and honest with them about how it’s hard even for adults. Let them see us conquer our fears. Communicate. c. Setting Reasonable Goals - Show them how to set small goals so that they can be successful. It’s great to focus on the future, but understand that it’s very hard to walk all that way without ever focusing on what’s right in front of you. Teach them how to look back at what they’ve done to give them a boost when they most need it. It’s completely normal to feel like a failure sometimes, and we’ll show them how we try to silence the saboteur. Learning the tools needed for resiliency. d. Independence - Managing time, working with finances, knowing your strengths, taking responsibility, having goals and knowing how to make a plan to reach them, being professional, working with others (because no one does anything truly alone and social skills are a must-have). Letting them take control of their own learning. 4. CREATIVE - We want our kids to be able to disconnect from (and recognize) society’s groupthink and boxes. We want them always asking themselves “why” or "what" before blindly believing something. Find the questions again. Art not required. a. Imagination - Let it run wild! Provide whatever resources we can to allow them to explore their imaginings. Give them lots of blank slates for their masterpieces. Say yes to trying new things. Be interested. Be inspired. Be excited. Listen. b. Originality - Using your own strengths and experiences to create new ideas and information. Exposure to all kinds of cultures and methods that can help them break free of the traditional American societal norms, and help them see alternatives exist… what other alternatives can you think of? c. Critical Thinking - What do I think, and why? What do I feel, and why? The art of thinking about thinking, and then effectively expressing your thoughts and opinions on a topic. Being willing to change your mind. d. Inquisitiveness and Skepticism - Intro to Logic, how to spot fake news, reliable sources, fact vs opinion, scientific method, creating an experiment based on an initial observation.
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