First Year Reflections

I started writing this a long time ago, but am only just now finishing it up...

March
One of the most difficult undertakings for all people, is that of critical self analysis.  As April approaches and we near our first official meeting with the school board to justify our learning philosophy, I'm both excited and terrified.  I still struggle very much with my own feelings of self-doubt, especially as it relates to my intellectual abilities, but I'm getting a little better every day.  This year has been an amazing experience for all of us, trying at times, but overall very beneficial for our little family.  So what are my perceptions on what were the highlights?

Mental Health:  We now have 3 happy kids who feel confident, loved, valuable, and respected as people with their own agency.  Before we began this process we had one very depressed child, one incredibly angry child, and one overwhelmed and confused child.  What I've realized is that traditional schooling was inhibiting their ability to form personal boundaries: physical, intellectual, social, and emotional boundaries were being drawn for them or worse, they were forming boundaries and having them completely disrespected or crossed in the name of "that's just how it is".  Well, that doesn't mean it's right.

May
I was so sure the portfolio review process was going to be awful.  I had convinced myself the whole education system was against me and was going to interrogate me under a critical spotlight.  My own insecurities activated that saboteur side of me that was going to basically show up as a suicide bomber and destroy myself and everything around me.  Thankfully, I spoke to reasonable and knowledgeable people ahead of time to calm myself down and just get ready like a normal person.  If you're wondering how to do a review as an unschooling family, here's what I did.

I went back and looked at my photos, and made an album specifically for all our field trips accompanied by a printed out list of them and what subjects(s) they were focused on.  I did a write-up for all three of the boys in each subject of what they have been up to during this time and how they have shown their learning in each area.  I also made a watch list of what they have all seen and what subject(s) were covered and a little write-up of what we learned from each.

Next review I am going to bring more examples of writing or art (if they actually have done any) and bring a reading list of the books they have looked into.

The reviewers were so kind and accepting of alternative ideas.  They didn't judge me at all.  They wanted the assessment to go well and for everything to be approved.  They were incredibly helpful and positive.  I will not be nervous again for sure.  I'm annoyed with myself that I go to that place of expecting criticism when I'm feeling vulnerable.  However, I know I'm not alone!  It's just how humans are.  Getting to know ourselves is paramount to being able to work within our limits.

Scheduling Routines to Make Room for Creative Chaos

Did you ever notice how everything seems to function on a bell curve?  Instinctively we know this to be true, which is why we have sayings like "too much of a good thing is bad".  I believe there is a point at which every relationship within a system hits its capacity for positive increase and begins falling (which sounds an awful lot like Newton's 3rd Law of Motion).  We have bell curve models for household income and happiness, class size and student achievement, and number of choices and satisfaction (to name a few).  Overarching message is: applying limits to the infinite is the only way we create any definition (and there's Newton's 1st Law of Motion).  Physics, y'all.  There are universal laws of energy and structure AND entropy and chaos all around us.  I'm going to try really hard now not to diverge off-topic into all the other realms where I see this playing out!  It's painful.  My brain really wants to share.  Find me later and we'll talk.  Ahemmm.



Freedom to choose is great, but only to a point.  Having every single option in the world available to us actually creates an intense pressure to "choose correctly" and overwhelms us with anxiety over perceived expectations.  To mitigate the anxiety of endless choice unschooling offers, I felt there should be at least some scheduling, limits, and expectations.  Expectations provide comfort in the chaos.  I came up with some ideas to relieve us in the places we were feeling anxiety.

What do we learn?  When?  How?  I chose 9 possibilities for the kids.  Why?  Because 8 is the number of subjects on which the State wants to do portfolio checks, but 9 fits nicely in a 3x3 table and it's a perfect square: science, mathematics, art, music, health, physical education, writing, and reading.  The kids have experience with all these "subjects" so it's a nice comfortable middle ground to begin the de-schooling process.  Already they're finding their own lessons that incorporate more than one subject (because that's exactly how the world functions) and they're excited about the connections.  I made them each a chart and laminated it so they can use it as a checklist.  I also gave them daily limits I felt were necessary for the well-being aspects of our goals: 1hr of alone time, 1hr of physical exercise, 1hr of unplugged time, and chores.  They can combine whatever they want, however they want or not at all... including their "subject" learning.  Daily, weekly?... not important.  They have all chosen different ways to check their subjects off the chart.  They have goals, but they still feel free to choose, and they're learning how to find those connections between subjects.

What if I can't think of anything to do?  If they run out of ideas, we have idea jars with vocabulary words and people known in those fields of study that they can research.  There are also lists of pre-approved websites where they can find theme-appropriate materials and idea lists: watch a show or documentary, read a book or article, play a game, build something, design something etc.  We're still working on them so no photos yet.

How do we get the ball rolling?  There was also the problem of introducing new information as a catalyst for learning.  At first I assumed it would present itself through everyday life, and while that is often times true, it also helps to try new things.  I know college has fueled many of my own follow-on research.  Field Trip Friday was born!  The kids are on the schedule and know what day they each get to choose and plan a field trip for all of us.  We get to enjoy each others interests and learn new things, and the pre-planning relieved a lot of anxiety in me about where to go and when.

Who's in charge of food?!  Tuesdays and Thursdays are my school days so the kids were concerned about lunches.  It's funny because while they were going to school I never made their lunches, but now that the option for hot food is there everything has changed.  So, we have planned lunches chosen from a small selection of meals I know they can handle.  They take their 10 options and place them however they'd like in the calendar... or just randomly choose one for the day.  The first official week has been great!

Entering Summer - The End of an Era

No one has been more excited about the prospect of self-directed learning than our 8yr old.  He wants to start NOW NOW NOW and I tell him "go ahead!! anything you want, you've already been doing this your whole life!".  After his normal school day he rushed home and read about fossils, designed a deck for the clubhouse (really ecstatic to use graph paper for the first time), and baked 2 loaves of french bread from scratch.  So... him I'm not worried about justifying the learning experience.  He's hopefully going to have time to write his series of young adult novels he's been reciting to me for years.  He's going to want to take art classes with Grandma, which I absolutely approve of wholeheartedly.  A week with the grandparents completely immersed in art and nature.  OMG he'll be in heaven.

Our 9yr old, is a worrier and gets terrible anxiety about doing well in school.  He hated standardized testing and follows the rules above all else, so if he ever suffers group punishment (a daily occurrence in elementary school lunch rooms) it is devastating to him.  He feels he has been betrayed by the adults and doesn't understand why he must be punished if he wasn't the one guilty of an infraction.  He tries so hard to be good, and still gets punished.  He gets very angry about the fairness of the rules and doesn't understand why they aren't allowed to talk to each other, even during lunch.  They run the school like a prison, according to him.  He gets incredibly upset when a friend is punished, especially when they aren't allowed to give their side of the story.  He is part of student council, but hates it because they don't actually do anything.  He doesn't approve of the belief that children are not allowed to defend themselves or their motivations to adults.  He has earned his freedom through continuous displays of responsible behaviors, and yet it was not being granted.  His self-esteem cannot take this beating!!  It's precarious enough!

He might have a hard time with self-governance and enjoying his autonomy at first.  Since he respects the rules and believes in self-discipline, my plan is to task him with designing his own code of ethics and daily schedule.  He's so ingrained in that mindset, I just want to hand him back the reins.  My other challenge will be to present him with enough teammates because he's highly motivated by group tasks.  He loves to be a contributing member, to use his emotional intelligence, and to feel needed by others.  He especially loves being mature and hangs back with the adults to converse and be included.  I have to find ways to involve him in activities with others who will respect his contributions.  Most likely, he'll do a lot of supporting his brothers as they delve into their interests and learn alongside them, maybe even be their motivator.  He's our ultimate observer.  He sees and hears all, and tells us where to look!  He is constantly taking in and analyzing information and he's very good at it.  He is also fearless when others are there to witness it.  He's so interesting.

Our oldest... he's been in public school from kindergarten through 7th grade and is turning 13 soon.  I have no idea what he will do.  I suspect he will want to spend most of his time finally being free to explore what he's interested in, which is on an Xbox or the internet.  My task will be to let go of the need to regulate out of fear of what others think.  Youtube videos of kids playing games while watching youtube videos.  I don't get it.  That's what he likes.  He likes gaming and I doubt he will ever grow out of that.  I have to really think critically about the ACTUAL ramifications of this instead of the societal belief about it... and then find what I believe to be a healthy balance, and ask him what he thinks about it.  Better yet, I can ask him to do it instead.  "Noah, I was thinking of regulating your screen time, but I am not sure what the right answer is... what do you think?".  I don't think any of us knows how much time we spend on our devices anyway.  Perhaps another place to start is by logging all of our screen time so we know what's really happening.

Regardless, It's important to us that he start noticing how he feels physically and mentally, really paying attention to how his actions influence those things as he enters into puberty.  Perhaps he can use his need for screen time as an experiment in self-control and self-regulation... emphasis on the self part.  I'm so glad we have our family Constitution!  That's a good place to start.  He is an engineer and a problem solver.  His super-fast brain loves the complexity and speed of gaming, and the strategy and interaction with others.  He says the only thing he's going to miss is Lego Robotics.  He is only interested in doing things that pose a challenge to him physically or mentally (just like his parents!).

The great thing about this process is that none of us has to have the right answers.  The questions haven't even presented themselves yet, but when they do I think we'll be ready.  The whole point is that we're finding them together through critical thought and experiences.  

Creating Portfolios - Dealing with the State

There currently is no body of laws governing unschooling (aka self-directed learning).  It is categorized/covered under normal homeschool regulations, which don't actually fit the philosophy.  Unschooling is kinda hard to explain to others, and I'm betting the school board will be no exception.  People ask questions about what you're going to teach, and they use the word student all the time.  It's really hard to talk about in terms others can understand because it's still categorized "schooling" and people expect that vocabulary and hierarchy of teacher and student.  Until we get better at this, I'm giving my kids "calls to action", which was a fabulous tool my chemistry professor used to logically link task to purpose, giving us clear motivation and goals.  This is necessary for me to do because I have to create a portfolio to prove the kids are being adequately taught the approved subjects covered in the State regulations.  The exact verbiage is incredibly vague: Provide regular, thorough instruction in the studies usually taught in public schools to children of the same age.  Include instruction in English, mathematics, science, social studies, art, music, health, and physical education.  Take place on a regular basis during the school year and be of sufficient duration to implement the instruction program.  The only clear expectation of homeschooling from the State is "emulate public school at home", which is going to be tricky since I disagree with how they regulate the process of learning (and that's why we left in the first place).  I think we'll be fine though.  Maybe the assessment board will learn a thing or two from us.  Wouldn't that be amazing?!

My plan is to simply provide calls to action they would likely be interested in, and then keep track of their creative problem-solving on this blog.  Hopefully that will serve as a good enough portfolio to justify our learning experiences.  My prediction is that the kids will become deeper thinkers and better problem solvers as they gain experience.  I also predict they will find their own tasks or problems to solve as time rolls on.

What I noticed from my recent foray back into college, is that far too many students are paralyzed by the task of finding answers.  They also have a real problem defining the questions themselves.  Many become stressed and angry by the request, expecting the professors to provide answers, because that's what they pay them for!  I became stressed and angry too, but not about finding answers or asking the right questions... I was angry that we were rarely asked to try anything on our own.  Memorization and testing is still the norm in many college classes, and for some subjects and portions of lessons there's no real way to avoid that.  However, there was a serious lacking in practical application.  It probably wouldn't have bothered me as much if I hadn't had the distinct pleasure of being in at least one college class that was the opposite.  A chemistry lab that gave me a problem and a lab partner, a deadline, a grading rubric, and resources.  It was like learning how to ride a bike, and when it was over I felt empowered.  However, the general consensus was one of insecurity.  If I had been fresh out of High School where I was still required to ask for permission to go to the bathroom, I may have felt the same way.